I wanted to die
I don’t know how it went unnoticed
The bags under my eyes, black and blue
I barely slept and looked so weak
Hiding myself behind leggings and baggy sweaters
Behind foundation and eyeliner
Behind a fake smile and loving nature
I was a shadow of who I was
There was nothing I could want more
Than to take the gun to my head
Or to tie a noose around my neck
Or to let pills and alcohol poison me
Or to just bleed out on the bedroom floor
The only thing holding me back was the fear of oblivion
What would happen to my soul when I passed?
How would it affect the person that walked in on me?
Will all of my friends blame themselves?
Is anyone going to care that I’m dead?
I wanted to be a skeleton
With thighs that would barely let me stand up
And arms that couldn’t carry a backpack
A body that wouldn’t be able to stand
I wanted to ruin my body,
My soul
And every ounce of myself