I don\'t want to break apart
I know the things I have to do to hold myself together.
So why don\'t I do them? Why does this numbness grip my heart?
Will I continue this struggle forever?
Internally I scream day after day.
Though there are moments that seem good,
I wonder if th rest of my life will be spent this way.
Going through this roller- coaster.
Forcing myself to have a smile on my face like I should.
Because I am supposed to be happy not depressed.
Perfection is what people seek and nothing less.
I try, yes I try so very hard,
But each time I get up it tugs me farther.
I don\'t even know why I\'m sad sometimes...
Will there be a day where I look back on this and see I made things harder then they were?
Or forever will I be stuck with this curse?
I want to break free
That I can do I believe.
Maybe it will get easier to live with this disease.
Though I do wish I could rid myself of it with a great and powerful sneeze.
Even though I write of how frustrating this journey is and how much it takes out of me.
It is a lot easier than it used to be.
I used to believe there was only one way out.
Now I see that isn\'t true,
There are times I get tired of fighting,
but i do for my younger family members.
Just as I ended up in this unhealthy cycle I can get out.
The catch is it will be more difficult.
It\'s easier to fall then get back up,
But it will feel amazing when you do.
You will be so proud of yourself and know you made it through.
Once you get through don\'t expect no more rough times.
If you think this is what will happen, you\'re believing lies.
It is a process and you have to make the choice every day,
To stay strong and find a way.
To be happy and fight your demons,
Whatever shape and size they may come in.
I can do this and you can too,
To fight for happiness is the path I choose.
I hope you will find your way also,
Where when we are asked how we are doing we don\'t respond...so so.
Be brave my friends
I promise one day you will be happy and it won\'t be pretend.
Smile and make your future bright,
One day the sun will rise ending this dreadful night.