the letting go
has become the only forgetting i can surface
swimming in these sea's of me
i was beautiful wasn't i?
yet my body declines
and i feel it
the rushes
like a high that only
my mother's capacity could reach
so gracefully malicious
i question what i am good for every single time
i felt your hands where i wished they waited
as I listened to your broken heart, beat after beat
he must have known.
when his fingers were dipped inside me
sinfully
searching for honey that would not
come for you.
making me feel less intelligent than in pain
i know what beautiful is.
it's not what he saw me for
i've never felt so pleasantly in pain
my heart has aborted every try of love
not this time
because he was not love
my body took it in with the wind i'd love to call a tornado
more alike to the hurricane of our hearts
because
he was destructive
so a hurricane with him
along with a lifetime worth of late nights talking to the moon
aren't i still beautiful, i ask
and he answers
"You cannot forget him"
unanswered
but yes,
I searched for me in you.
the only thing that stopped me from seeing you through
seeing you for you
not for him being trapped in my past
he isn't trapped here, not in my soul or in my heart
where most dwell
it might be the saddest thing that has had to happen
where life comes from is where he is imprisoned
i paint an alluring picture for him and me
of the times of me and him
i tremble yet so fearlessly
as i look in the mirror of our past
it is questionable
the thought of falling for a tiny part of you
mistaking it ever so lightly for the whole
many spring nights i let out silent tears
fighting to breathe between cold sheets
where he could have been
but the "should" is what really kept me awake past not 2 but 4 am
i might haunt myself more than what should be haunting me
did i deserve it?
i tell him this to answer my questions
you are the cheapest form of snakeskin
i only had to shed you once to rid of you enough to last me a lifetime
you are the blackest coffee that i drank straight
but i am the darkest liquor you choked down in a burning pain
sensationally i assumed it tasted smooth
not for you
every exquisite detail of your face can be awed by anyone but me
and when sleep comes for me on these summer nights
i dream for the first time in a short lifetime i have so endlessly lived
i began something
which ended with you
6 months later
i don't have to thank you
for creation
is god's will.
and fate will be yours.
-
Author:
librahoney (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: May 27th, 2016 22:24
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 55
Offline)
Comments3
read my hearts will and pain. use your hearts will and pain.
WELCOME HONEYTREES - I love your first poem - thanks for sharing. Even as a MAN I can empathise ! I'm 33 and love has come and gone for me many times - BUT In or out of love I still remember one Girl who possessed me body and soul and when she went away 10 years ago life and love has never been the same. She is in my HEART and the PAIN is still there - YOURS BRIAN
Love will never be the same Brian, It will be everything it wasn't before! Keep your heart open. And thank you for welcoming me! Your poems are beautiful!!
It may never be the same but you will love again. You will never love 2 people the same. That's not to say you will NEVER love as deeply because that's just not so. You will see ❤❤❤
I will have to wait and see.. I believe you! ❤
I just lost the love of my life to a brain stem stroke. He died almost one year ago. We were together 15 years. I suffocated with pain. But although I'm not ready to have another in my life I do know I'm capable of loving again. I'm just in no hurry. I am still madly in love with him (Rick) although he is gone
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