Bleeding Brain

     Love love love love love oh how i hate that word. and all it represents how i hate how you only said it when my clothes were across your room and your arms trapping me to your bed. How i hate how desperate i am to hear that word roll off your lips. A easy target, so desperate for love because daddy never could. You saw me as weak,easy prey and i was.... am. I mean come on it's easy to find a girl with daddy issues but ones as deep as mine and mixed with a cocktail of depression, anxiety, self hate, and suicidal tendencies. It was as easy as flashing a smile, telling me i'm oh so pretty. And telling me you never felt loved but with me you feel on top of the world. I was your's for the kill; i mean the "bad boy" wanted me how could i have said no? I should have i should have ran when you asked me my name. My mothers favorite flower, why no matter how loud or long i laugh my eyes never twinkle. I should have done so many things different but i wanted love. I wanted a safe place, because at the time your arms felt like a stronghold only meant for me. Then i learned they also were meant for her, well multiple her's. And if i said no if i voiced my feelings i was beaten back into my place. So i'd better learn how this works or you will visit their beds, their arms, find your comfort in them not me. I wanted love so bad i stayed for to long, i never want love again. It's a meaningless word used to twist our hearts, like the noose i stare through, wondering if it will bring happiness, will it? But just like how i mustered the strength to leave you i muster the strength to keep going. I may be broken, i may never be the same but i will show you true strength. Not you or him or her will hurt me ever again i've learned to keep moving while bleeding out alone.