Today that dreaded moment arrived
And thankfully I lived, I just about survived
My bowels were the focus of the attention
A camera up my bum did I fail to mention
The purpose of the procedure, big C screening
Which required an enema to do the cleaning
Can’t believe that folk enjoy this as a treat
Pay for the experience, make their life complete
Nothing glamorous at home poking
A tube up the bum with my wife hoping
That her involvement would be kept to a minimum
Wasn’t keen to insert it further up my bum
A little squirt and all was done, just needed a little fermenting
Time stood still until it was time to spend time sitting
On the bog until the concoction did its trick
The end result like a waterfall, all over quite quick
Next step was, hold on tight, and off the the hospital
Hoping and praying that I wouldn’t lose my bottle
In the waiting room I sat down nervously
Seemed a long time sweating profusely
Soon it was my turn, silently walking to my fate
To be told by a nurse the procedure may hurt
I bravely said I needed no gas and air
I was vividly aware that my bum would be bare
I was ushered into the room full of women
To fully inspect my anus was their mission
Then finally with a flourish a thumb inserted
With one insertion all modesty deserted
And finally the piece de resistance
A big butch woman needed no assistance
To push what seemed like a telescope
Up my back passage with the hope
Of checking everything was alright
At the time things seemed rather tight
To help things along they blew air up my bum
To make me feel like I had a balloon like tum
Thankfully no sign of Big C clearly detailed on the chart
I’ve got to admit that I didn’t really have the heart
To tell all those watching that in the end all I needed
Was to let loose and emit an almighty big fart!