All of the planets are back in forward motion now, and, what a mess they have left for me to clean up-after myself
I knew what I was doing while I was doing it
It was like some outside force had me clinging to its balls
The year has flown by so quickly
Soon, we will be decking the halls with all the bullshit that the holidays bring yet again
Reaping all that we have sown
Trying to recapture everything that we saw fly by us throughout the year
Fear so badly longs to bind me, to make me wear it like chains that are too heavy to drag behind me
The Summer rains could not fall with all the fire that came to cleanse the tainted acres of land surrounding me
All that we had planned to accomplish has yet to come anywhere close to becoming real
Giving away what little I managed to acquire just so that nobody would have the chance to steal it
I must heal the self created wounds I have suffered by falling into the same old patterns from my past, even though I had convinced myself that I had moved on
I think that there is something inside of me that goes out hunting, searching for the shit that it has gotten used to once it\'s finally over and completely gone
It is a beast that only I can tame
A curse that tries to attach itself to the meaning behind my name
A player, much more informed than I am in regard to the rules of this wicked little game
I am never the same as I was before
I have gotten so used to being numb
I do dumb things because I don\'t care too much about shit anymore
I think it\'s because of so many doors that I have opened have been slammed shut in my face
I am counting on the waxing of the Harvest Moon to return me when it\'s full to my natural beauty and state of grace
I am wishing upon all of the stars in the universe to regain once more my sacred space
Praying that the oceans tide will grab me and take me to that place I have only been a few times before
Where everything is wishes spoken upon my lips so loud and clear that there is no way anyone can ignore me....
9-11-2018