“It’s no good” she said
I will have to lose some weight
As she struggled to get out of bed
“I want to have abs toned and tight”
There’ll have to be a stop to slobbing
Doing nothing much just eating
Why don’t you take up jogging
She thought I must be joking
I’ve heard of couch to 5k
A programme to help people like you
She looked at me laughed and said no way
I’ve never been a jogger, it’s something I simply don’t do
Time went on she tried to resist
But I kept on nagging
Really tried to persist
Pointed out the sagging
Several slaps later
She gave in relented
And laced up her trainer
To a test run she consented
The first stage, a gentle walk
To get all loose and warmed up
Out of breath no need to talk
The moaning started I said wassup?
I can’t do it it’s just too much effort
You haven’t started jogging yet
Bugger off my legs are starting to hurt
Come on love let’s build up a sweat
I said trying to be motivational coach
If looks could kill I wouldn’t be writing this
I think on reflection was the wrong approach
If she had the strength a Glasgow kiss
Would be placed right on my bonce
Through gritted teeth she said let’s do it
A two minute jog started all at once
Although struggling she would not quit
She kept on going with the style of a baby elephant
Pounding the streets all ponderous and slow
An interesting style hunched up, very inelegant
At the one minute marker she hit her plateau
I think I’ve hit my peak
I looked at her with dismay
I don’t think that I can speak
Thank goodness for that hip hip hooray
Joking apart we got through the first session
Of walking and jogging full of lively conversation
A thirty minute workout full of angst and tension
A true test of our marriage a proper examination