tick — tock — tick — tock —
“How have you been this week Anne?”
She picks at the skin on the top of her nails. A nervous habit she could never seem to get rid of. “Lucid... Doctor” he nods, his pen already writing the words before she had said them. “Any break downs?” She shook her head in a ‘no’ motion. Her eyes boring into the picture behind the man analyzing her.
“I... have a hard time showing emotion lately” she notes confidently. It was true — things that once made her happy no longer make her happy. Things that bothered her no longer bothered her. “Do you think it’s the medication?” She shakes her head ‘no’ “what about family? Have they given you any grief?”
She nods her head ‘no’ he sets his pen and clipboard down and stares directly into her soul. “I’m going to assume that with the recent traumatic experiences you have experienced. You have shut down emotionally Anne. This is perfectly normal, you just need to monitor it with medication” she shakes her head ‘no’ “no I don’t” he raises an eye brow quizzically at her.
“I never thought I would have to drug myself to make myself feel normal for what that man did to me” she looks to the window. “I come here 3 times a week, and every visit I still feel the same... I still feel like you blame me for not wanting to get better, you blame me for not taking my meds on time or for not getting enough sleep”
“You blame me for breathing, you blame me for crying, you hand me pills to fix the issue, I want the issue to go away but it won’t go away but you don’t even seem to have the solution to fix the issue so we are in this vicious cycle of how many pills can Anne take till she stops being a human?
— I still feel dirty, I still wash my skin too much, I still lay motionless in bed waiting for something good to happen. My family looks at me like I’m an elephant out of a zoo. I am doomed to be haunted by the memory of someone touching me, me pleading for help. You’ll just take my money!
This is the witch hunt you’ve been looking for yes?”
The doctor continues writing. But the room becomes quiet. “I only see myself becoming the victim over & over again”
“How do you fix that?”