Churning, shaking, unsettling my peace
A pull, an urge, a thirst I can\'t cease
I\'ve done everything else, I know what it wants
To make me ok, \"it will help me\" it rants
Heart pumping and lead weight inside pulling
I can\'t carry this load anymore
At least not today, tomorrow I\'ll change
But right now I\'m being wrung from the core
It squeezes my stomach, a pain I can\'t bare
My mind can\'t think straight, I\'m in total despair
I can\'t cope with what\'s happened, then or now
If I numb all this pain, then for today I won\'t care
I\'ll be someone else, no fault will be mine
For I\'m under the influence, I can act obsurd
And destroy all in my path or that gets in my way
Especially those helping and my support network
I don\'t deserve help anyway, so drunk I\'ll hurt those I love
And won\'t even care while I\'m numb and not me
But days later I\'m hungry, can\'t stop and feel ill
But there\'s no one to help me, only enemies to gloat
I vow to change, to resist next time round
I won\'t be so stupid again
Until my feelings take over and explode deep inside
A familiar urge presents itself when
Like a grey tornado, powerful and strong
Sucks my strength to carry on
Only one way to calm it, I know what it wants
To make me ok, \"it will help me\" it rants