I think I’ve lost control
Of that which I had
It wasn’t intentional
I learned from my dad
I thought I could protect
My heart from being broken
But I think things have changed
And now it needs spoken
Not in the same way
That everyone thinks
I’m an expressive person
But there’s still many kinks
I may tell you how I feel
I may scream it out loud
But it’s not really heard
It’s covered in shroud
People think I’ve dealt
With the issues at hand
I guess I hide it well
And look like I stand
It’s not what they think
I just push right through
The madness and sorrow
That’s never been new
Always feeling weak
Ready to break
I look like I’m strong
But not much I take
Can’t stop thinking
Feelings overflow
My mind is muddled
But it doesn’t show
Maybe it does
Just not enough
Everyone knows
But think that I’m tough
It’s a chaotic circle
That’s keeping me down
Saying move on
And hiding my frown
They know that I suffer
It’s written in my skin
But because it is constant
It’s seen as a win
I don’t really deal
With the problems I hold
I never learned how
And now they just fold
Curving inside
Settling deep
Within my heart
The secrets I keep
Not in the literal
But in the pain they deal
Seems like I’m fine
But I never heal
I carry it with me
Pretending it’s gone
For that’s what I’m told
“Just move on”
It’s not a bad phrase
It’s just not explained
Life should move on
But learn from the pained
Don’t do what I do
Just blocking it out
It will revert back
Then anguish will sprout
I’m standing at the edge
I feel it all the time
Never quite falling
But lost to the climb
Trying to calm
The emotions inside
They swirl in my heart
Ready to hide
Crying within
Not seen on my face
Tired of it all
Need a change of pace
Everything is spinning
World keeps on turning
It will never let up
My stomach is churning
Wishing it could stop
Not ready to fall apart
I’ve done it before
Just back at the start
They say let it go
Making things calm
Maybe it’s release
But not a real balm
It’s like putting a bandaid
On a wound that’s cut deep
It may stop the outpour
But pain will still reap
How do I break
The wall I hold dear
Scared of the truth
Loose is my fear
There\'s too much at stake
If I let it break free
I don\'t want to lose
What I know I can be
I\'ve seen what can happen
If emotions take control
Not ready to face
The darkness as a whole
I’ve come to far
To let things slip
I can’t allow weakness
To make me trip
I want to back away
From the cliff I reside
Nothing I can do
To change what’s inside
Eventually I’ll fall
So what do I do
Maybe if I jump
I’ll make it through
I’m honestly terrified
Of what might occur
My heart rate increases
The room is a blur
Maybe I’m selfish
It’s not a big deal
I really don’t know
How I should feel
Afraid of the future
And what it might hold
Apparently that’s life
So I’ve been told
I’m worrying too much
But it’s honestly true
I’m right at the brink
Will I get through
I’m honestly not sure
The importance of this
The wall is my safety
Protecting my bliss
It’s there for a reason
I know that for sure
But is keeping it better
Or is there a cure
I want to be mended
I know that takes change
But how far is too much
Is there a range
Will this ever end
I really don’t think so
But maybe there’s hope
That I could grow
Nothing worth it is easy
But that is just life
Hoping there’s more
That will stop my strife
There isn’t an ending
To this mess of mine
It will always be there
Twisted like vine