Laying on the bedroom floor, punching the carpet till my hand is sore. Hair matted to my tear soaked cheeks I scream In silence my soul is weak. Writhing in pain, wtf am I doing ? I seriously can’t go through this again. I’m flickering like a broken light attracting every gross moth in sight. I look for help and pick up my phone till I stop and realize I’m utterly alone. I’ve pushed everyone away for one reason or another, I can’t even call my mother or brother. I feel my life force slowly fade, I’ve been in this pain cycle for litterally a decade. Different vessels come and go but they all treat me the same little do they know. Am I the problem ? Am I they key? I feel like I’m starting to see. I’m the fucked up one ruining lives, unresolved hurt that I’ve buried deep inside. I have to choose between two pains, staying or starting over again. I’m tired of this constant pain, I am litterally going insane. I don’t have much left that I can give. I don’t know how much longer I can live. Do I attract these people to myself ? Am I an asshole magnet, I want to yell! My situation is fucked in so many ways and I keep telling myself it’s another day. I can’t tell anymore from what’s right and wrong, this has been my struggle for so long. This is going to happen to me untill one day I’m gone.