Denise

My Depression

Depression is an endless ocean 

Its me wandering my 9 x 12 foot kitchen relentlessly 

Sleeping in till noon, covers over my head

Wondering how I got back to this place

I’ve visited here many times before 

But I never intended on staying

It’s me playing a million scenarios in my head when I don’t get a message back,

I shouldn’t care but I do, 

Depression is me putting makeup on everyday just to feel semi normal 

I’m not normal so how’s the makeup going to help

It’s me staring in the mirror, second guessing

There’s that feeling again, Hopeless, doubt, loneliness?

No, sadness. Hello my friend,

It’s been a while since I’ve felt you this bad,

It’s me sitting on my front step at 230 in morning listening to music while I cry

And then yell at myself for not being strong 

It’s repetitive, I’m shaky, I’m out of control

Just stare at the wall, why can’t you smile 

Just fake it, FAKE IT. You’ve done it before

Fuck You depression, you’re not welcome anymore.