i am typing up words to surrender my pain.
all of a sudden i am blank- thoughtless, empty.
do i not have pain to surrender then?
am i finally healed because i have no words?
no.
i envy the mind, it lingers and wanders;
in my dreams, nightmares- in those thoughts of others.
it\'s racing so fast, i can\'t even hear it.
its spinning my eyes, pounding my ears and un-lifting my spirits.
i can\'t remain calm, please, i am crying for help.
im begging on my knees, please, save me from myself.
get me away, out of this life. i mean it, i do-
im not saying this out of spite.
im pleading for mercy, cant you hear me?
im drowning in my head and hanging from my feelings.
i cant breathe so easy, can\'t move so much.
im stuck like this always.
just hear me out, i dont want to be selfish.
i dont want to \"relax\", \"be calm; cool and collected\"
no one hears me.
no one really hears the words- the thoughts in my head.
my eyes twitch and my head is still spinning.
im so use to it now- its nothing new.
i can walk with it now, i can smile and laugh.
its part of me forever, theres no one to fix that.
ill drown in my sorrow, self pity and doubt.
ill cry myself to sleep; take the easy way out.
thank you for coming, \"she will be missed\"-
missed by the ones who couldnt comprehend this.
im sorry mom, dad and brothers.
im sorry sisters and friends, i could not do another.
i could not find the courage, strength or light-
i wanted to give up, i could not fight my fight.
\"you reap what you sow\"