You are so proud of yourself
I see it in your eyes
Every time I eat
Well, you think it’s such a prize
The threats and disappointed looks
come at me like lies
You want me to eat and eat
For the weight to go straight to my thighs
I shouldn’t have told you that day
I should have just shut up
Now you know my secret
And you think I’m straight out of luck
There is another option
The voice inside me
It doesn’t just suggest starvation
There is no need to grieve
The way I feel right now
So full of food and disgust
Like a fucking fat cow
This can be forgotten
Ana can forgive and I know I must
Toothbrush down my throat
Bristles scratching hard
Hold it in a little longer
You deserve this you fat lard
The first time comes and goes
but somehow I want more
One, two, three times
maybe I’ll try for four
The hatred is at ease
Ana has stopped the shrikes
My body cries in anger
It thinks I’m such a tease
As you watch me
I wonder of your pride
Would you be so happy I have eaten
If you know what I so successfully hide?