The five stages of grief
1 denial:
I lay on the table, gravel in my throat, as I asked what’s wrong
When she says there is no heart beat
I start to cry
Instinctively put my arms around my belly to protect you
But I couldn’t save you from this
The doctor said I would pass tissue and that how I would know everything was going medically right
I wasn’t the only one hoping that they were wrong
2 Anger:
I wanted to scream
I wanted to yell
I wanted to throw things
I was so angry
And I didnt even have any one to be angry at
I tried to blame the hospital
I said they should have told me the heartbeat was low
Then I could have prepare for this
But nothing could have prepared me for this
3 bargaining:
the Kübler-Ross model says guilt is a wing man of bargaining
The what if statements come into play now
Every one is telling me it’s not my fault
But there are things I would change
4 depression:
I’m stuck here
All my memories from the past few days are tinged with black
I hardly leave my room
I have to be reminded to take showers
All I think about is you
My husband says I have to let go
Or else it’ll destroy me
But I don’t know how
5 acceptance:
Some times I forget that I’m not pregnant any more
Find myself wondering if you will say mama or dada first
Only to remember that my womb is empty
Your home became your grave
And I’m afraid I’ll turn into a cemetery
Will I forever be the mourning mother
Some times I have to remind my self I didn’t just stop being pregnant
But that goes back to denial
The stages don’t follow a straight line
It’s more like a roller coaster
That goes under ground
And gets stuck there
Because everything is so dark