people shut out my voice.
they shut it down.
this is the one place i can say anything i want.
when i feel attacked..
i react strongly and i stick to it hoping this time i wont be the damn fucking problem again.
but sometimes i react strongly when i shouldnt.
i dont feel like myself but lets be honest..
how many times do i say that in my poems?...
therefore i guess i havent been myself for so long now just on and off like a switch.
i want to give up on myself and everyone around me but even when im going through shit its in my instinct to help my friend that didnt even acknowledge me yesterday...
and then i walked away and asked myself why did i even try?
ohhhh thats right!!
I CARE MORE THAN ANYONE CARES FOR ME!!
damn its crazy how the world works...
no one notices im depressed anymore and half the time when they do nothings wrong..
and thats how im getting into this.
people think im sad or i give attitude or im mad when im really fucking not.
if you think im mad just ask me but dont assume and give me ways to fix something that was never a fucking problem.
its weird how we treat people the way we want to be treated sometimes...
like when i was upset my friend asked me whats wrong..
i didnt answer and then she said \'well i tried\"
and thats not what i want to hear.
i want to know your here for me and ask me several times to show you actually care because thats what i do for other people..
but reacting strongly to something does not mean the same thing as treating someone the same way you want to be treated.
sometimes we cant help reacting strongly to something.
the reason why i reacted strongly is because i realized the way i texted seemed like i was mad and so i already fucking cleared that up so this shit wouldnt happen..
because i wasnt fucking mad but then you still believed to think other wise and make a big deal out of something that never existed..
assuming my feelings without asking me how im feeling.
the reason why im standing by this is because im always saying sorry for the things that trigger me..
saying sorry for not living up to your perfection.
i dont know where im going with this right now.
but now its a couple days after...
and here i am sitting at my lunch table feeling left out and unimportant.
if anyone looked at my phone they could see i dont really talk to a lot of people or friends.
i probably hae 5 main people i actually talk to.
i feel like everyones gonna forget about me like i was never an impact on their lives or even a memorable friend.
even when i see them everyday at school they never make an effort to contact me out of school.
i guess i care too much.
i make more of an effort than any of my friends.
im to nice and generous.
i feel taken advantage of.
im not that important for anyone to remember me...
not that important for anyone to text me first,
start conversations first,
wonder how i am and what im doing and what new in my life.
im just not important to anyone or anyones lives.
im just someone who they will forget about when summers over and i go to college...
but yet ill still be the one trying to make an effort to hang and see them..
but no one does the same for me...
i guess im just not important to anyone anymore...