I\'m not quite sure who to believe
I\'m told my views are wrong
That everyone else is right
That I\'m remembering things differently
The man I remember is not the same
As the one my mother remembers
Or the one her son seems to despise
My memories recall just the opposite
Were there days full of screaming
And were there days of fighting
Even days of physical violence
Maybe, but it wasn\'t often
You had a bit of a drinking problem
But I don\'t remember it being bad
I don\'t remember you drinking often
In fact, rarely around me
Mother found the Polaroid last month
She didn\'t seem overly happy about it
I sat on the bed, fighting back tears
It\'s in a frame now, sitting on my desk
The way you raised me seemed right
I learned \"no\" and discipline, respect
I was taught to stand up for myself
How to not take the abuse of others
You protected me from your son
I wonder if that\'s why mother hates you
Because she didn\'t want me at all
I still hear her calling me \"the mistake\"
You let me play Asteroids on your laptop
You showed me how to use the computer
I learned my love for technology there
Watching you build pieces for work
I remember learning so much from you
How to use a tool to determine battery life
Watching the solder as it fused things
I didn\'t like the smell, yet I loved the sound
People say my \"daddy issues\" are bad
They\'ll make me only want abuse
Make me crave older men\'s attention
I don\'t see these as being due to you
I don\'t remember much abuse
The worst thing was a rug burn
I was being stubborn, you didn\'t mean it
You apologized right after
Mother hates that I read Dilbert
You used to have a book of that comic
It would sit on the shelf in the headboard
I still remember when it got stuck
You were mostly mother\'s opposite
You wouldn\'t discourage my singing
Nor did you with my writings
You weren\'t telling me I was wrong
There are some bad things I know
You wanted to get rid of presents
Things we had gotten you
We were finding them trashed
After the divorce, things went decent
You played video games with me
We all went to the lake often
You even got me a cat poster
Then you met my step-mother
And things went downhill fast
I never did get my stuff back
I really do miss my dresser, those plates
You instilled my love for camping
My fondness of the water, too
Even though I couldn\'t swim
I still wanted to only be outside
Your family treated me better, too
My cousins didn\'t fight with me
My aunts and uncles didn\'t hate me
They didn\'t threaten to harm me
Sometimes I wonder how you\'d react
If you saw me now, how I look and act
Would you be proud, or disappointed
My bleached hair, my skinny frame
Would you like the way I am
The way I seem to save people
Or how I\'m always caring for others
How I never take care of myself
What about my writings, then
Would you enjoy my poetry
Or would you find it too sad
I haven\'t been happy in years, I feel
Would my love in music bring pride
Or would you be worried about it
My lack of commitment to one instrument
The way I push my voice to get better
How would you feel about my life
The way I act so happy and fake
At least when I\'m at work or home
The way I\'m not afraid to break
Or about my new found love for cosplay
The way the fabric flows and cuts
The sound of the sewing machine going
My feeling of accomplishment in a project
And what would you think of my health
The fact that I never seen to sleep
Or how my allergies are driving me nuts
What about my depression medication
I\'m still quite the same as I was as a kid
I still get very excited to go to the lake
Video games still make me gleeful
There are still stuffed animals everywhere
My love for holidays has died way down
I used themed stuffed animals to decorate
But I don\'t really like to celebrate
Not even my own birthday gets attention
You wouldn\'t be happy with mother
Always telling me how terrible you were
Even though I was old enough to know
You really weren\'t that mean, just concern
You seemed to see what she couldn\'t
Her son was highly abusive to me alone
You were the one to save me from him
I saw so much good in you
You\'d hate how she seems to treat me
I can\'t sing, she hates my writings
When I go into a breakdown I \"cry too loud\"
I\'m never the first priority at home
There\'s many things different in me now
I\'m much less shy when talking to people
It doesn\'t mean I have many friends still
I don\'t have many at all, I don\'t mind it
Birthdays and Christmases seem small
Despite being all I hear from you
And whilst I enjoy the attention
I miss every other weekend and more
There are currently two wonderful guys
One seems to love me more than anything
The other seems to really enjoy my company
Yet, I care deeply about the both of them
It\'s a hard situation to explain, the guys
This is something even I\'m learning
Yet I wonder if you would approve of this
Or if you would be close minded, too
This letter is getting quite long now
But that is just how my style goes
Everything gets said in one go
Or I don\'t feel like I\'ve said anything at all
I\'m thinking I got everything out for now
Another month could mean another write
But now, I believe this is all I can say
My tears have finally dried for the night
Sincerely is the sweet girl you knew
My name may not be the same
But that seems the only difference
Your daughter must say bye now, Cali