Contemplation has been my most recent prison
With indecision a comfortable companion
Sharing the space between the bars
Hoping my acquittal isn’t off too far
I used to be bound by shackles and chains
Fear and insecurity guarded with rage
But I escaped and I ran
I couldn’t believe it
I was free and it seemed
To be too easy
Then I looked back for a second
just to see
How the guards that never slipped
Now searched for me frantically
And down I fell into a new hole
A place with filled with pressure
that’s choking me out
I thought that pain
was as bad as it gets
But unforgiveness was a much harder hit
In this place the echo was loud
My memories rang out
I fought and I fought them
I didn’t want them to come out
but here they are
they came with a roar
The tears that I’ve held back
Begin to run free
I’m losing it
falling apart
how will I ever escape from me
I can’t take it
The fighting and crying
The clawing feelings making my lungs want to quit moving
Where is the oxygen
help me, I’m dying
I’m sorry so sorry
I forgive you, it’s over
Wait what did I say
Was that out loud
Forgive you,forgive you.
my mouth rolls it around
Now something is different
I feel lighter inside
I shifted and I changed
Now I’m not in that hole
I’m looking around
at this new place called home
It a great white expanse
No walls, floor, or ceiling
Just me and no sound
My emotions are reeling
Though I feel safe here
It’s big and Intense
There’s no start or end to this pure holiness
I’m small and can’t fill it
And I can see
that I’m a mess
Sloppy and undefined
Like a splatter of paint
On a canvas
It’s so quiet
the world is blocked out
No words can escape me
Silence is drowning my thoughts out
I don’t even hear my heart beat
Or my breath
But I hear a voice
yet not in my ears
From within I hear Him
Claiming my hand
“My Bride, My reward, My body, My child”
“Did I not say in all truth to you
That you are in Me and I am in Him.
I love you and watch you
And see your struggle
Stop fighting and surrender
I can guide you through trials
I Am bigger than your trouble
And all your shortcomings
There is nothing that you need
That I’m not providing
Look to Me come out of your bondage
My Truth is your promise
you just have to choose it
No sin or mistake is stronger than My Word
Give it to Me
and be a part of My world.”
Snap back to my prison cell
The gates are all open
There’s no one to guard
And a new path is showing
I’ll take it
No matter how narrow it gets
For I am in Jesus
And He’s my defense