A boy that was annoyed to his core
that kept a hidden secret between his eyes
hidden in his thoughts
that he had so many words
that was just left alone in their own special places
because of the feeling of \'\'Forget\'\'
maybe that boy has finally decided that he just keeps lying
that he just so badly don\'t wanna hurt anyone in the result of himself
with words
with feelings
and his thoughts
all his weight upon his shoulder was nothing more
then the cause by himself
for being open and accepting more
like a kinded heart that helps and helps
like a priest in the confession boot
listening to all their sins
talking like he understand
talking like he had answers
but talked like he was empty
He
Was
Empty
With words that adapted depending on the person
telling them the truth while lying to himself
\'\'why care I\'ll die anyway\'\'
so care for others until that day come
but what happens when someone
so... so.... numb...
gets another chance of hope
get something so lovely he feels guilt
and
realises how much everything became so worth it
like dying alone means nothing
until you have someone because then it means everything
loosing memories when the circuit is outdated and burned
is
quite
scary
When a boy has lost himself
who got treated like an outsider
and
was used for peoples advantage
misleading the phrase \'\'friend\'\' from \'\'foes\'\'
this is not a comedy but a tragedy
by a common liar of a boy that paid his sins
and got in the shit no one wanted
because it all piled up one by one
If he...
If he was not so weak in the inside
he could speak
If he was not such a coward
he could admit everything
If he wasn\'t in love
he wouldn\'t have the responsibility
to care and love
because it hurts to hear everything
words that might mean nothing one day
Experience is something the boy got
experiences that just want to be erased
but we learn from them
he only learned that no matter how much he hears
it can mean nothing at any point
and that everything he cared for
can be like a flower that loses all their pedals
calling it \'\'useless\'\'
The boy didn\'t want to talk
because he already heard enough
he couldn\'t fix himself
but he could fix someone else
But he could only wish for silence
all the words
all the sounds
all the nights
all the days
all the times he could only wish
that he made someone proud
that it wasn\'t some pity words
that it wasn\'t some words just to make him feel better
Everything was empty for him
numb as he could have no reaction
all he could react with was made up from his mind
he never learnt how to feel like any other person
he behaved angrily when tired
he behaved kindly when awake
he behaved ignorantly when confused
and he behaved acceptably when understood
This isn\'t a meaning against anyone
this is just a tired boy
that is tired to hear the sounds of a scared girl
that is tired to hear negative things of people
that is tired to talk about things of the past
just stop the sound
I just need time from all of it
just give me a place where I can stay
a day where I am free and just can hide to myself without worries
without worrying so bad
but just let the clock tick
while speaking to a sleep walker
I\'m tired
and I just want every sound to silence itself
I just wanna run and let myself be free
it hurts me not because of anyone
just because I can\'t manage myself
just because I am forced to admit to myself
That I\'m not good enough
and
that I haven\'t changed at all
so sorry that I am like this
So many different emotions
first ready to write something
the second to feel irritated
and the third to accept and listen to the sounds of the scared
and the fourth feeling empty sad inside
No matter what I do
I\'m not happy
I should be happy
but I\'m not
I feel annoyed by the second
and I don\'t want that
I want to protect but I do the same mistake
please stop this
please stop this
please stop this
please stop this
just please stop this
because my insanity drops more and more
the heart I had I was born without
doing more mistakes by my mind
then my heart
because I never used it
I feel more scared and worried
I feel like shouting out please be quiet
but I know that I can\'t
the sounds it won\'t stop
The sounds of a scared girl at night
over a call that can never be uncalled
every night without rest
always have to be last so I can rest
staying overnight is not a do but a must
because of that I never have decent rest
I don\'t want to speak the truth to those I love
because I hurt them more so they hurt themselves
Times I wanna hang up the call
and
times I wanna stop reply
I just wanna escape but I can\'t
so don\'t ask my questions I hate
so run away
and
run away
so
far
I
Can
because
I
Don\'t
want
to
hear
it
from
you
so as my last words
to one and oneself
I hate myself
for the person I am
and
not the person I was
because before I didn\'t know
but know I know
so sorry
if I said
something wrong...
Sincerely D...