I had a dream a couple nights ago
I met a girl on a flight away from here
An accidental seating error forced us next each other
Our awkward but heartfelt small talk helped us laugh together
For the first time in my life I felt
That familiar pumping in my chest
Coming from a heart lacking the many layers of scar tissue
Its source the many broken promises and unwanted advances of a person let in
Her name was Fen
She was about to enter her senior year
And was set on being an artist
The plane came down but our hearts didn\'t
As we departed we exchanged numbers
Our separate trips away from the city felt like one despite being with our families
And when we returned we took our own trip through the city hand in hand
There was fire all around us and obstacles in our way
But we kept walking knowing we\'ll just face them together some day
The following night was another dream far different from the other
I was on my block on a moonless winter night
The air was dry and cold and my heart was cracking and heavy
I walked down to the nearby liquor store
I picked up a bottle of water and was on my way
On the way back up 3rd Street I passed a girl
She was barely visible in the darkness
I turned my head away as I crossed her on the street and she turned to me
\"I think I love you. Or in love with you. Or whatever the right words are.\"
My scarred, cracking bruised up heart pumped heavy in my chest.
I grabbed her by the hand and we began to walk in total silence
Knowing with every step home a part of her would leave.
By the time I reached the house there was no hand in mine
All that remained were the deserted ruins of a diseased and rotting heart
I cough blood onto the pavement
Bleeding out in front of my gate
I call out for help but the streets were empty
As I lay dying I laugh with the metallic taste of blood in my mouth
It\'s not wonderful to die
It\'s never wonderful to die