JWKP98

Falling

I laugh hysterically, roll on my bed, it’s oh three. 

What is in my head, my life is great, so why do I feel such misery?!

I sit up on my bed, chuckle again, shake my head and go check the pantry. 

I don’t know what gives; I don’t believe in regret because it does not change the past,

Yet I feel overwhelmed by regret tonight, chest is heavy, head rings, how much longer is this going to last?

I look back on the long, dark shadow of pain, broken  promises and failures I’ve managed to cast.

I can’t stop laughing and smiling tonight thinking about all the times I dropped the ball;

A million times I messed up when one small choice lost it all.

As many times victory was at my fingertips only to be let go by one small call.

I know this crap is not worth thinking about, it isn’t going to make any difference.

And I know it isn’t stuff I have to thanks to God’s deliverance, 

But there sure is not a whole lot to brag about in my innocence. 

There

I pull my hair, punch a hole through my wall.

God may have created me with purpose, but ‘till I find it, there’s none to life at all.

And the worst of it, if I thought I was bad then, I don’t know how to stop my fall.