Shhhh
Listen
Do you hear that?
Do you hear the silence?
Good
This is my chance
For a moment of painful bliss
I call it “painful” and “bliss”
For the same reason:
It’s a lie
I finally shut the lids
That weigh down on my tired eyes
In that same second
A silhouette appears in my vision
It’s breathtaking
It’s magical
It’s glowing
It’s kind
It’s you
God, it’s you
Look at you
Damn it!
Shhhh
My mind splits in two
“It’s not real”
One half says
“Don’t fall for it”
And my eyelids wrinkle
As I try to shut them harder
“But look”
The other tries
“Look how beautiful
And peaceful
Look how happy you could be”
Shhhh
It hurts
Stop
Please
I’m begging you
Shhhh
“Shhhh...
It’s okay baby”
Your silhouette says
As it rocks my body
Back and forth
“You’re okay”
And it still hurts
But this time
I can shut that one half out
Of my restless mind
“Shhhh”
“Hmmm”
“Hey there”
“Hi”
“I’ve missed you”
You press kisses
To my temple and shoulder
“Me more”
“You don’t visit me like you used to”
“I’m sorry
I try
I really do
But it hurts so much”
I cry
As you hold me
You wipe a tear off my cheek
And kiss it
“It’s okay
I’m right here now
I’m not leaving okay?
I promise”
“Stop!
It’s a lie, you idiot!”
My eyes fly open
And just like that
You’re gone
I find myself
Still rocking
Back and forth
Only this time
It’s not your silhouette that rocks me
It’s the force of my tears