No longer hear the noise before the alarm that tells me I’m about to wake up.
Warns me that the fantasy stops here and it’s time to start again.
Tells me to stop and prepare for fresh hell.
I had this old clock radio with
the loudest alarm and
I had to rush to it every morning
before it went on long enough for my dad to hear it because
I woke up too early for his sleep but
the alarm made a noise before the alarm noise that
always woke me up
and then I started hearing it in everyday life
in painful situations and
I was waiting to wake up
then I’d hear it during panic attacks and realise
I wasn’t going to wake up
because just as that noise bridged the gap between
sleep and wake it also bridged the gap between
mind and reality
that noise didn’t get me out of bed
I actually had to do that myself
that noise is not my cue to hang around and
wait for the alarm but the indication that
I need to change direction and
re-start my thinking need to get up and
out of it before my dad wakes up
I told a therapist once that
I hear this noise and she told me to
stop being dramatic
and silly
and went on to suggest that
an adult dose of prozac was
a good form of treatment to gift a fifteen year old
Thank you for the drugs. Thank you very much. I’m sorry I didn’t
Quite finish off the job.