I never thought how good it would feel,
To not have to be fake, to be honest and real.
I never knew the comfort of showing my face,
Or accepting somebody else’s grace.
To me, life had always been a game,
Keep away and lay on the blame.
It’s not my fault, it wasn’t my choice.
I couldn’t talk or use my voice.
I’ve always felt anger towards the source of my pain.
The person who’s absence was my only gain.
I thought that healing would forever elude me,
And that I would never truly be free.
I struggled with forgiveness for them and myself.
I forgave their faults, my wrongly placed blame.
Even with forgiveness I still felt the same.
It didn’t matter that they weren’t around.
I felt like my feet were stuck to the ground.
I refused to let go and still hid behind my mask.
Being around people was the hardest task.
Afraid I’d crack, afraid they’d see....
A coward, a fake.... the real me.
I hid in my silence, my lies a never ending game.
I remembered my innocence and wished it were the same,
When I wasn’t concerned about the past, the present, or my future.
When I had no doubts of anything, when I was never unsure.
I’m holding on so tight, to my hatred and my fear.
They’re all I’ve ever known, they’re all that’s ever been clear.
How will I function if they’re suddenly gone?
What then will I base my mask upon?
Will it still be any good? Will it fool anymore?
If I don’t have it.... then what will people judge me for?
For who I really am? For what I’ve really done?
I sorta wanna know, and this time I’m not gonna run.
I’m tired of holding in the pain
And I’m ready... I’m ready to let it go.