Why can\'t I have what they have?
Those I\'m jealous of.
Those my heart envies beyond its deepest core.
In my mind, I can see how they all look at each other,
How they interact.
The way they move without moving at all.
With only their hearts guiding them.
Why can\'t I have what they have?
Each scene playing in my mind,
Wrenching my heart
Until it\'s twisted beyond recognition.
I know,
It\'s not real.
It never will be real.
But it feels real.
To me,
It\'s real.
The tears are real.
And when I look up, after all the hours,
My eyes have to readjust.
Take a minute or 5 to clear my head
and calm my soul.
And when I go to bed,
I think about them.
I think about all of the things that will never be.
To have more than love.
To have a husband/wife, a life partner, a mate, a king/queen,
An equal.
Two souls intertwined far beyond a lifetime.
That lasts far beyond death.
And my heart cries.
It weeps and sobs at my reality.
And when I sleep,
It sends me dreams of my own happy ever after.
My own kingdom of endless love.
Until I wake up and cherish the moments I spent dancing with a masked prince.
Again and again.
Until my eyes are permanently jaded and glazed in jealousy.
Wondering,
Why I can\'t I have what they have?