You never know
how vulnerable I make myself.
I never know,
Until I have told you my deepest
Darkest secrets and thoughts.
Then you kiss me.
I’ve been comfortable with you,
But that goes out the window
When you say,
“Never again”.
I desperately built my walls back up
Not wanting to get hurt again.
I regress,
going in search of love and satisfaction
With strangers.
You didn’t mean to,
But you just don’t want to.
And that makes it worse.
I try to convince you,
“It’s ok, it felt right.”
Listen to the words I say
Because they should change your mind.
Please, change your mind.
It’s all a façade,
I don’t cry
I don’t show fear or sadness.
Pretending I wasn’t just
Stabbed in the gut
By the guy I’ve been pining over.
I can’t help but think it’s me,
Is it all me?
Is it my fault
you don’t want to kiss me again?
Am I the reason you say,
“Never again.”?
I can think of nothing else
But that moment,
that moment you lean in
You kiss me,
Not just once, either.
I carried a shield with me.
So vulnerable,
I need extra protection
Against those who hurt me.
Yet,
You didn’t hurt me on purpose,
Does that make it worse?
Tell me,
Were you vulnerable too?