People think that Amsterdam is an exciting city,
Full of life, full of fun, full of cheap beer and drugs
And easy to buy thrilling hardcore porn films galore.
But there is another side to this Dutch metropolis
Believe me, I know, I have been there, squire,
And I have seen it in all its drug-filled horror.
I was there one balmy eve, just off the Leidseplein,
With my older brother, a kind and gentle man
(although physically not very pretty),
When a gang of Surinamese youths,
Sky-high on crack cocaine, or whatever filth,
Attacked us, mugged us, use what words you wish,
It doesn\'t matter, the result was the same.
And they left him lying there in the gutter,
His skull cracked and seriously brain-damaged,
And for what, I hear myriad voices query,
Well only a few dozen over-valued Euros and a tube of K-Y.
He dragged out a miserable half-alive existence,
For a few Hellish months in a city hospital;
O ye gods, I shall not be going to Amsterdam again
(with or without a Dutch cap, may I add tentatively).