Turning 40 isn’t a difficult thing to do but deciding what you really want for your birthday is.
And as she searched inside her heart and head.
She found the only thing she really wanted was death.
And why shouldn’t she have what she really wanted? It was her birthday after all.
She kept it a secret. She decided she would give herself the 6 months before her birthday to find a cure. To find a reason not to die.
And in that time she would dream like a mad woman of all the ways she could end it. She would write each day of a different way to die. Until she had died so many times in her head, the real thing would become either pointless or inevitable.