Aziza S

Pencil or Pen?

It\'s late and again,

I write these words expecting my mindset to change

My confused, scared, indecisive, nihilistic brain.

Forgiveness seems too easy,

I don’t buy into “God” nor his son.

Seems easier to accept faith

Rather than accept guilt from millions of sins

I\'ve done.

Of course, life isn\'t fair...

God can\'t control everything,

but it is natural to assume different, right?

Suppose my ideas are wrong and

I continue to worship as if there are no flaws...

How long would it take me

To again, become sick

Of the prejudice and intolerance

Religion permits?

What do I live for,

If it is not to live in the Heavens?

My existence is odd and off the rail.

So an afterlife consistent of black

Is better than all the regrets in life I\'ll get since

I feared hell.

I will forever doubt God

But when I commit suicide,

I’ll squeeze the trigger,

Say a short prayer,

and cry.

I don\'t believe in anything.

But,

I hope God forgives me.

My time could arrive any minute,