I came unprepared to the event id been preparing for, for weeks
I had the words, but I can no longer say them
I had the feelings, but I can no longer feel them
Thoughts and ideas used to teem from my head
They could’ve built monuments of a new civilisation and toppled the image of an omnipresent God
I could’ve touched the sky,
Grasping and clutching for the edge of the world, but it never comes.
I’ve never felt smaller.
The thoughts and ideas that teemed from my head no longer reach the paper,
Leaving me tapping my pencil on the blank paper,
Fooling myself that I had anything in my mind worthy of being written.
Tap, tap, tap
I have nothing
I am nothing
No more words that can be spoken
No more feelings to be felt
The paper is blank and will always be blank
My mind is blank
I’m waiting for my name to be called
I’m not afraid, I’m not excited.
I am nothing.
I know my moment is coming
I will both rise and fall but it’s too early to know which
Until I open the box to see the cat
All I know is that my thoughts and ideas are gone from my head
But the paper isn’t blank
Not anymore
It’s full of words,
Words written by a girl that believed anything was possible
Written by a girl that believed she could change the world.
My name is called.
The box is opening, the cat is still
It’s still too early to tell whether I really am dead inside
Or just dormant,
Waiting for that girl to pounce out of the darkness and onto the stage,
To fulfil her destiny.
To feel the thoughts again that put those words on those pages
To speak the words to rewrite the future.
Will she?
Should she?
Who was she?
Who is she?
Who will she become…