It took the death of my most loyal friend for me to realize who my friends really were
Every day I’m angry with myself for not being there for him
I want him to know that I love him because I never said it enough when he was here
I want him to reassure me and take away my biggest fear
Everyday I wonder what would of happened if I just took two seconds to answer my fucking phone
It kills every part of me to know he thought he was alone
When I want to talk to him I talk to him out loud, that’s all I can really do
He took everything I trusted him with to the grave
The people tell me it wasn’t my fault
They say forgiveness takes time, healing takes time and now that time is mine.
I’m not looking for justification people I just miss my fucking friend
I left him hanging at his most bitter end
I saw his dead body deflated by decay
I struggled to walk and put a flower on his casket because I knew that meant we were sending him away
We still had plans that were being made but he took it away the the sharpest of blades
Ear to ear they told me
A smile on his face they told me
This makes no fucking sense
In his eyes this was not suicide
I wonder if he knows that in this life, he died.
For his birthday we went to the beach, I promised him ice cream as his special treat
Instead we ate a tropical feast, I was promised another visit, ice cream on me
I got caught up with work, he said some words that hurt
Before I knew it he was dead, this never fucking leaves my head
I easily got frustrated because he depended on others for his happiness
He said with me he felt his happiest
I saw the change in him slowly take place over the years
I’m so sorry my friend, everyday I find myself shedding more and more tears
There were some points where he was unrecognizable but that didn’t change the loyalty we had for one another
Simeon Malcom,
One of my greatest loss