My long-time friend, Jonathan Paul,
has a lot to say about nothing at all,
opinions and theories, conjectures and more
but he finds that whenever he takes the floor
one by one his friends all recall
the ribbon-cutting at the shopping mall
or the urgently needed telephone call
waiting for them in the booth down the hall.
And there he stands alone.
The first time it happened he wondered why.
To his queries they offered these honest replies:
Bad luck, my friend. That\'s all we can say.
Who would have thought on the very same day
we would all rise at once and sadly convey
our deepest regrets, apologies, too,
for the way we were all abandoning you.
Emergencies happen, you know.
He\'s truly a very fortunate man
to have such friends who, when they can,
sit at his feet and hear him extol
the origin and value of a Tootsie Roll,
a subject that\'s haunted the minds of men
and sent them searching again and again
the journals and ledgers of long ago.
Intriguing! That\'s the word.
So, my very best pal, Jonathan Paul,
who knows a lot about nothing at all,
was recently hired at the Harvard School
where nobody thinks him a blubbering fool
but a rare acquisition of wisdom and grace,
a pearl of a catch for the honorable place.
Perhaps they\'ve not heard him expound and extol
on the merits and value of the Tootsie Roll.
That\'s Tootsie Roll 101.
In a year of two I\'ll hear the news
that Jonathan Paul has paid his dues
and now can sit at the President\'s right,
a lofty spot for the man who might
convince the world, without a doubt,
that is brain is as big as a brussels sprout.
This is my friend, Jonathan Paul,
who knows a lot about nothing at all.