I pray to God for salvation, but hope to burn in hell for how I hurt her so
As I fall further, I fall into greater comfort as I deserve the woe
My heart and breathing stop when her radiant beauty I see
For in it, I behold the darkest, ugliest sides of me
In horror, I watched the light fade away
I felt drained as my colors turned to gray
I boiled hot as I felt my blood evaporate
To be replaced by raging shame, guilt and self-hate
At first, I fought for the light, for my colors, for my blood, but I surrendered as I accepted the need
To fall into the chaotic darkness for vengeance against my deed
So now, before the dark and pain, punishment for my sin,
With arms and heart wide open, I welcome it in
Shame, let it burn as it causes physical pain to show my face
I thank God I cannot find in my own bed escape from the disgrace
Guilt, pull me down, stop me from achieving all I can
Let me never again be proud of who I am
Hate, in agonizing misery lead me slowly to death and drag me into hell
Whisper in my ear, “Her life is better without you” so no matter how hard I try to escape, in you I will always dwell
Shame, guilt and self-hate, keep me from love so cause pain I will no more
Keep me fighting for the light, for my colors, for my blood, but keep dragging me down so I can never win the war
I pray to God for salvation, but hope to burn in hell for how I hurt her so
As I fall further, I fall into greater comfort as I deserve the woe
My heart and breathing stop when her radiant beauty I see
For in it, I behold the darkest, ugliest sides of me