I can’t ask you to stay, but I don’t want you to leave
I know I lost your trust, but don’t know what I did to hurt, can’t we just talk about what you perceive?
I never meant to do anything to deceive
Is it too late, is there nothing I can say or do that would make you believe?
But she shuts the door, I fall down
And with the emotions, my heart begins to abound
I roll and thrash on the floor, reach for a bottle to drown
And drive away the knowledge that I will never not push everyone to the ground
I am not tired, but I do my best to not be awake
So I don’t have to feel the ache
Of my incapability to escape
Thinking about my unforgivable mistake
I fight recovery because I deserve and thrive on the darkness in my heart and chaos in my head
I want to be alive, but I want to live in pain, but I don’t want to be dead
The war on the inside being over, I dread
For the rest of my life, I want to be on an agonizing deathbed
As the pain becomes too little for me to weep,
I seek out something that will push me back into the deep
So I climb on top of the hill and look down the steep
I grin, I crouch, I leap