Part 1:
A few days ago
My mom sent a picture
Of a letter I wrote
At 8 and half years old
Tears filled my eyes as I thought about
How her heart must’ve broke
The first time she read that note
While other girls and boys
Were writing to Santa about wanted toys
I asked for winter clothes
Even tho I had a choice
I choose not to voice the way I felt
To a mother who was already overwhelmed
Paying bills and buying food
was priority for the wealth
I dealt the only way a kid knew how
Asking someone else to help out
Reading that letter
Made me remanence again
So I took out a paper and pen
and began a journey within
What follows bellow
Is the story of my Transcendence
As of lately I have begun to realize
That none with whom I socialize
Can rationalize who I personify
Even with eyes upon mine
They can not see what lies
Behind my guise
Or the truth behind my lies
Unfathomable are my roots
So far away from where theirs grew
Unrelatable is my childhood
To those raised above the poverty line
Unrecognizable is the pain
The truth of what I’ve been through
Since it has never been in their view
Unless you count the time or two
A bad neighborhood they drove through
It’s time I climb out of my disguise
And give words to this life fate drew
Shaped metamorphically
By the abundant weight of pain
My virility was gained
Like a diamond from coal
My form I was forced to change
Immense was the pressure
Upon my shoulders as a youth
Known me only as I am today
The majority of people
With whom my time is centered
Around these days
Acquaintances, friends, coworkers, lovers too
Only a few had the pleasure
Of seeing me crushed in two
From a broken spirit developed a treasure
Soulful wisdom beyond my age
Most never got to see what happened backstage
Humbled by the world these moments ranged
I remember a time
That sends a cringe down my spine
My peers and I
All in financial situations less than ideal
Where forced to climb out
From the masks we hid behind
When we were given backpacks
Full of supplies and clothes
I still get flashbacks
Of us making wisecracks
Trying to play off those knickknacks
As something less than real
The way I felt
Continues to haunt me randomly
In the middle of lunch
In front of the entire student body
Is where we received these gifts of charity
Some of my friends immediately
Threw their bags away
As if to convey deniability
To the instability of their families
But no matter how many jokes were played
Or lies were laid
We couldn’t brush away
We couldn’t cover up
We couldn’t hide
The shame or embarrassment in our eyes
As our real world troubles leaked out
And spewed into the place
Meant to be our escape
Everyday was putting on an act
Pretending it wasn’t a fact
That we were wracked with stress
Or attacked by fears
That far outweighed anything
Our peers were feeling when they
Would go home at the end of the day
Some of us didn’t have heat or food to eat
Some didn’t even have a stable place to sleep
Their own bed to rest their feet
To lay their head to find some relief
From their stresses within a dream
Or a house where they were beat
A home not full of love but with
Intoxicated alcoholic violence
The mistreatment of an addictive parent
That made my domestic situation
Look like it was sent from heaven
Yes I knew then and I know now
That many have had it worse than I’ll ever know how
T o understand or comprehend
Some of my friends, my classmates
Others in the county, others in the state
Humans of every age and race
Had it way worse than I did
I call attention to that loudly
I don’t speak profoundly
Out of arrogance or ignorance
As I am not blind to the fact that
Even in the worst when times were lousy
My circumstances were deliverance
To others who were suffering
So I am only here to atone for my pain
and my pain alone
When the world is collapsing around you
Your only focus is on the hell you’re walking through
So as I kid I walked amongst the flames
And even though I came out burned
I also stood changed
With the pain came love,
With that love came happiness
To this transformation I can attest