Every waking moment
I\'m a mirror of my former self
A ghost shell, plagued with a river of doubt
Breathing in and breathing out
The thoughts are loud and I can\'t drown them out
This is the worst I\'ve ever been
Even been praying
Caged in an ocean of silence
Paranoid, a ship destroyed, I entered the void
I am a toy in the hands of time
The constant fear is my main complaint
I\'m not the same person I used to be
Don\'t know why this is happening to me
Chronic pain folds and crawls around my body
Looking for a secret place to hide and rest
I feel pain in places I didn\'t know pain could exist
Now I\'ve went and blocked out the dripping crystal sunlight
I sit awake and alone at night
With nothing but the torture on my mind
The only thing that\'s keeping me going is the vital will
Daily life is like a chore
Now I\'ve closed the book, polished my shoes
In my hand I hold a burning cigarette
I\'ve made a pin up out of it
Like Betty Paige
Sparkling like jelly matter in the brain
In the realistic dream I died
Overwhelmed by the shiny thought of death
I come to the surface and breathe
My mind is always playing tricks on me
It makes me feel like I\'m nugatory
With nothing to do
The feeling is stirring in my gut
Thinner than water
Staring at the walls
Night time thinking in isolation
I\'m compulsive, obsessive, depressive
Always jumping to conclusions
Trying to be receptive
Life is terribly hard, but I\'m trying
Trying to get things under control
Trying to get a hold of myself
Putting myself back together
With glue and stitches
Feeling like dirty dishes in the sink
Unable to write
I am an accident, bound to the feeling
I feel like a complete fuck-up
The growing paranoia is a mindfuck
I\'m bent over with anxiety
Just had an epiphany
Hour by hour I\'m a cool breeze
Lucky if I had five hours of sleep
Can\'t help but be pedantic
The spark has gone
Gone like the sangfroid
The night is as final as an ultimatum
It washed away like blood
I\'ve gave up the drug
A relative of last year, a time before
I crashed with a mighty thud
Into the decor
Refused the pills, repulsed by them
Swallowing Hell in my darkest moment
I\'m hellbent on living
Serpentine, like sugar, I want more
I rage on, bending like aluminium
Like olive skin
Body full of acetaminophen
I refused to take the Amitriptyline
I refused it, the solution, the prescription
A letter arrived in my name this morning
I frayed like an edge
Followed the blueprint, cream tonic
Had lost my appetite and I got sidetracked
Stayed up all night and slept through the day
The truth goes down like fine, neat whiskey
Like a song by Johnny Cash
It\'s easy to get sidetracked like the Lorax
Potatoes will suffice
Tears filled my eyes and I had to cry
I\'m melodramatic like a stomach
Salivating like a dog.