5,200 milligrams of mind-altering medication, half at a time
To keep the electrical signals in my brain in line
But is it worth not having the seizures as I begin to wonder whether or not everything and anything I feel
Is just caused by, a product of, the drugs or if it’s actually me and real
Without the meds, would I incessantly tease and mock my friends, never pass up an opportunity to do so?
Would I feel this anger and irritability that’s driven me to turn friends into foe?
Would I limp or squirm in my bed from time to time when I have a flare up of leg pain?
Would I boil so hot I’d go into the backroom and punch cardboard boxes to avoid a blowup, keep me sane?
What differences would there be in what I say in day to day talks?
Would I still within seconds go from a sharp, clear, sophisticated mind to periods of seeming like I’m from the boondocks?
Would I still be happy for five minutes, angry the next and then back to a smile on my face?
Would I fight to down the whole bottle one day and the next bear a grin with my chin up as pride radiated from my fast, long pace?
Would I hate you run through my mind unprovoked as I smiled at and listened to her
As my thoughts became more disorganized and my mind descended into a blur?
Would I have defeated depression by now, or do the drugs keep it alive?
Would I have beaten away my anxiety by now, or on the drugs does it thrive?
Would I shake and tremble for half an hour at work on the verge of tears?
Would it not bother me to hear a voice I can’t see or would I still have these fears?
Worse than the depression, anger, anxiety and phobias is as follows
I don’t know if it’s who I am or the drugs that bring into existence the hollows,
That I have no way to definitively be sure, there’s no way to know if anything I think or feel
Is just caused by the drugs or if it’s me, or if it’s real