This is why I do what I do.
This is why I fight to pull through.
Being a statistic sounds fine to me,
But I don’t want my family to see
My body on the floor,
My blood on the door,
My head in a rope,
Cuz I didn’t know how to cope,
With the searing pain burning inside,
That I’ve been trying forever to hide.
I can’t even leave a note;
No clue what I woulda wrote.
I’ve seen those kinda notes already.
Her writing was smooth and steady.
She poured out her heart;
Told her story from the start,
Told us all why she made her choice,
Why she had chosen to silence the voice,
The voice in her head screaming “Die!”
This is it, this is why,
I fight to hold myself together,
I fight to make my life better.
I can’t leave you all in pain.
I can’t let you go insane,
With grief over my death,
Hoping for another breath,
As I lie there for the world to see;
A statistic, a suicide, an awful tragedy.
I can’t do it no matter how I feel.
I have to keep focused on what’s real.
Reality and hallucinations combine,
Each mixing and crossing the line.
Confusion inside me, hurting my head;
Lying still for hours alone in my bed.
Depression is curable they say,
But I’m past the point of caring anyway.
It’s so dark when I close my eyes,
I feel at peace; I can escape the lies
That force themselves into my mind,
Making me stumble, making me blind.
But I can’t go through with it,
Because the reasons why, you\'d never get.
You don’t know how I live each day...
Praying for night so I can slip away
To my safe place in the back of my mind
Where people are honest, sincere, kind.
Where everyone understands me,
Where everyone is safe and free.
I’m still here, I’m still breathing.
Anxiety I know is just a feeling.
The pain inside is real but there is a cure.
I will find it! Of its healing my soul I’m sure.
Days will pass quickly as I make up time...
Time that was lost as I lived as a mime,
Unable to speak, unable to express
My hearth ache and my distress.
This is me now as I sign off farewell
I’m gonna fight so hard , I’ll burn down hell.