Have you ever shut a door so rough
that it broke something? Like a precious heart
or a sacred silence; and once cut off,
once shut the echo of it slamming tells
the deed, and cannot hide in any sound
or quiet coming after. Yes, I have,
and I can\'t stop hearing the glass breaking
like sobs, shattering apart and falling
like tears to the ground. Like rain on
wet grass. It stained me, that awful sound
and stuck inside my guilty chest, and I
can\'t ever open up that door again,
and if I could, that wouldn\'t stop echoes
or the pain in my arm, where I clenched
my fist tightly, or the pain in my chest
where I felt my heart, clenching tightly,
and I don\'t think it\'s unclenched, and I don\'t
know if it will, or if it can, or if
it should. And I\'m afraid to touch that door
and panic at the thought of peering in;
yes, I have, and I\'ve looked for so long
at the little window, and choked and cried
because it is shut and I slammed it shut
when I slammed that door. God help me,
I slammed that door, before I knew it
had to be shut, before I knew I\'d want
it open again.