Now why don’t you want to hear about my operation-
Fearing perhaps it might be just too much information?
Except being prostrate with a prostate is hardly new,
And anyway if you’re a woman it won’t worry you.
Pre admission the previous fortnight – okay to go -
The seven am admission - I wanted to say no.
It began with much paperwork for which I didn’t care;
I managed to stay patient though the real job was not there.
But it wasn’t long before formalities were complete;
Trolleyed to the anteroom to await the next big treat -
Probably not the anteroom, I don’t know what it’s called,
Although vital stuff goes on there including being cooled.
A cannula in my arm and vital obs meant action;
Staff were very chatty and provided a distraction.
So time passed very quickly as the team made me ready;
Spinal and light anesthetic would help keep me steady.
The anesthetist primed me for a needle in my spine;
His wipe froze half a warm back that I just wished wasn’t mine.
At once the shock right through my body forced an expletive -
It was of course the surprise and in no sense aggressive.
If cryonics was involved I’d had enough of this lark,
However the actual needle was a walk in the park;
But what I next experienced gave me no cause to laugh -
A loss of sensation had suffused my whole lower half.
I was wheeled into theatre but nothing happened there;
Then two seconds later I suddenly became aware
Of “all over” and a tube stuck up I won’t mention where,
Even if you are broadminded I’m still not going there.
Sutherland Hospital turned out to be such a great place
Where the nursing staff treated me with sympathy and grace.
Much fluid was dripped through the tube and finally drained out;
Plus there’s more detail yet which you can again do without.
A review after four days meant discharge was the outcome;
I’m not sure I was ready but sleep was very welcome.
The healing properties of slumber are of course well known,
But there’s no chance in hospital – at last I was alone.
Anyway it all settled down with the fullness of time
And given the specialist’s all clear I’m back in my prime;
Expertly renovated and almost as good as new
With a great old life to lead and of course some travel too.