JWKP98

Coping With Anger, Not Lashing Out

I know that it’s bad I’m up all night, laughing for no reason while blasting my songs.

But being this drunk keeps my anger where it belongs.

Staying this high keeps my mind off of my wrongs

And I’m too fucking afraid of the hell that I’d let loose if my mind went there

My angry, sober mind isn’t something anybody could bear

So it’s alcohol down the throat, drugs in the lungs and blood and the music, I will blare

I told you I’m fine, one of only how many lies I told

I know pain in people we care about causes us pain, I know you still care, therefore I can never let you see how cold

It made me when you said my dreams with you would never unfold. 

Worse fucking yet, I know if I ever gave a damn, this would make me glad

Because I know that for you, I could never be anything but bad.

And yet, that you’ve been freed from my anger, aggression and emotional incapacity, I am sad

I know I couldn’t, but I still feel that, for you, I could’ve been good

Bong rips and beers down for hours over what I’m not, but what I should

Pills popped and music up over what will not be, but could

Bottoms up, bottles open, music maxed out

Whiskey, vodka, mary jane, pills, stout

Until it, I cannot think about

No one can ever give you what you deserve

But someone will have the sight to know that, yet try so hard that it’ll be worth trying to preserve

God, send me to hell for, thinking I ever could have that sight, try that hard, having the nerve. 

I may not have pushed her out of my life, but I still did fail

So I’ll chase away my anger until I turn pale. 

Because she’s close enough to hurt and I’ve seen my anger turn this fist into a hammer and this anger be a nail. 

Coping bad is better than not coping at all

Over and over again, I’ll punch the wall

Because I’m lying to myself saying I’ve found someone I care about enough to not allow to take from my anger, the fall.