Change your lock screen
Change your style
Forget what sleep feels like
Because you can’t sleep with cold sides
And this pain cuts like a knife
The pain of knowing you’re no longer a part of her life
It feels like shit. I probably won’t die,
But I won’t feel alive
At least for now, at least for a while
Change your bedsheets, because it still holds her shape.
Change your name because it’s what she used to call you.
Change everything because it’s all mundane.
Change the silence because it’s filling a void she left when she disappeared.
Don’t kill yourself because that light at the end of the tunnel is a lie. That razor in your bathroom that nicks you when you shave, don’t take it. Throw it out. Because it’s just not worth it.
You won’t forget her when you’re dead.
God doesn’t want you in heaven if your heart is still in her head.
Watch the sea, watch the sky. Pray for a change and feel the wind on your skin. Nothing matters past the lie you tell yourself that “you’re fine”. It’s a lie.
It’s okay not to be okay.
Don’t think about how peaceful she looks when she’s asleep. Because she can’t hurt you, apart from in her dreams.