How I recall with fondness a sea journey
From Zeebrugge, delightful Belgian port city,
To Hull, where I was scheduled to give a lecture
On \"The Joys of Sodomy for the Over 80s\"...
I went into the dining saloon and opted
To share a table with a tasty bit
Of female flesh of the kosher persuasion;
Encouraged by her frantic lustful winkings.
We chatted and we soon got down
To a bit of heavy flirtation and snogging
And, once I had found out she was a young whore,
I suggested rather daringly and boldly:
\"Come back to my cabin, you little slut,
And I\'ll give you one where the sun don\'t shine.\"
\"My nipples\" she replied, \"are stirring under my blouse...
And I am as wet as a rainy night in Katmandu\"
Once we had settled on a hundred euro fee
We raced back to my first class cabin
And I soon had my hands on her eager arse,
My tongue right down her gullet, my groin humping away.
\"Get your clothes off, you fucking cow\" I murmured romantically.
And soon she was a stark bollock naked vision on the bunk.
Oh God, but she had beautiful breasts...
And, downstairs, a dick the size of a giant cucumber.
It really was just as well I had given her a false name
(No one would ever know that Barry Hodges,
Northumbria\'s greatest seducer of women
with more notches on his bedpost
than a mangy Mexican mule has fleas
and famous muff diver extraordinaire,
had coughed up a hundred hard-earned euros
for a titbit of tasty teenage trannie tail).