What if I tried?

What if I tried to tell you farewell
What if I tried to tell you Adios
What if I tried to tell you good-day
What if I tried?
Would you accept my goodbye?

Would you agree we dissolve the past
Would you let your grudges go
I never meant to give you scars
The night we played with those junkyard cars
I really did try to control those fires

What if I tried harder?
What if I fixed those wires
What if I’d tried to find more water
Maybe then you wouldn’t have died
I could’ve tried harder

Maybe you wouldn’t be haunting my daughter
Maybe you wouldn’t be tormenting my dog
Maybe you wouldn’t be causing chaos at home
Maybe things would be different
And I wouldn’t feel bad each time I wake

If I hadn’t told you to come out with me
If I hadn’t decided we leave our phones
If I’d brought water
Or chose somewhere else we go
Maybe things would’ve been different

I wouldn’t have caused a death at 16
Hearing almost nothing as an off duty doctor announces your death
Watched as an ambulance drove you away
As I ran back home crying

I wouldn’t have
Attended a funeral with grieving parents
Crying sisters
And angry uncles

You wouldn’t have had to watch as your parents spoke at your funeral
As your siblings cleared out your bedroom because your parents just couldn’t
Oh, I just can’t even begin to fathom how things could be different

What if I’d tried?
Would you still be creating strange noises throughout my house
Knocking things off my walls
Creating drafts of wind and loud sounds
And making me regret ever going forward

What if I tried to tell you
Would you accept my apology?
Well, it was definitely worth a try