I remember things that never happend
I have recollections of events that never took place
I am forever in love with the abstract look of this maze
Made with manufactured memories of nonexistent days
My own doing is this poisonous yet beautiful haze
Upon which i gaze basically daily
I can\'t explain it plainly
Those synthetic echoes of what could have been
Are what magician have seen
Through the darkness of future past
Vast fields of the greenest grass
Always turning into the bluest blue there is
Oscillating between the lowest torture and the highest bliss
That\'s how powerful is her kiss
Even when just imagined
Even when - not real
Tell me is this love that i feel?
Or just illusions of mad broken spirit unable to heal?
What gods do i need to worship or before whom do i need to kneel?
To break that eternal seal
Perhaps i\'ll say yes the next time the Devil offers me a deal
YES! that might be the answer
Nailing my soul to the devil\'s alter
But then again is it worth it?
Selling my soul for a girl who doesn\'t even want it?
And if i sell it to the Devil
How could i ever give it to her?
All i know is that pain is crystal and happiness a blurr
And yet she and my art are the only things that occupy my heart
Which belongs to her even though she\'s not interested
Because that one week when we were intimate
struck me down with a power as unlimited
as it was unprecedented
And then - when it all came crashing down with equal intensity
I started living with a frown and on the brink of insanity
For three months i lived inside a bottle
Because it seemd like the dust would never settle
And when it did
Pieces of my heart soul and mind were forever split
But all this is just so you know my cross and it\'s omen
I no longer have the need for another heartbroken poem
For if i can love her i can love her absence as well
My friend asked me:
Why do you put yourself through such a hell?
Don\'t you have a bit of pride?
To which i replied:
Can\'t you see?
That this is the key sent from above?
That this is how i know it is love
For i feel it despite the fact that she does not
And even face to face rejection i didn\'t leave my spot
For if you love her only while all is fine
Then it is a shallow love not worth a dime
And if you love her only if she feels the same
Then it is a selfish love which always ends in flame
And if your idea of love - is to tame
Then it is you who shall carry the blame
For you don\'t understand a true love\'s aim
To not be with her is bad
But to not know my love for her would be worse
Ofcourse it will always make me sad
But it isn\'t a curse
No it is a pure unrefined love and so what that it burns in vain?
All that drama and all that pain
Soaked me with lessons of wisdom like a late autumn rain
And in it\'s stream i realized my role
I understood what it means to have my soul
And it\'s burden and it\'s toll
I found that i am the biggest cliche there is
Just a boy chasing a girl who can never be his
And what more
I found that it is integrated in my core
And no matter how much i roar
No matter how much vine i pour
I will never be able to fully close this door
And that writing about it is the only thing it is good for
And that\'s why i lie down on the floor
Where sadness slowly drips out of my every pore