What can I do to make things right...?
How can I help, believe me I wanna try...
I understand forgiveness doesn\'t come over night...
I know saying sorry doesn\'t help your hurting fight...
It\'s the first step only I can think of to make to start putting wrong right...
I can\'t take back or change the damage I\'ve done...
All I ever wanted was to a mum...
My arrogance, my selfiness, my addiction is what lost the fight...
You have no idea the wrongs I\'ve done you my babies to everyone keeps me up at night... If I had one wish, I would get it right, choose you & fight the fight...
Face the denial & the demon in me in a new light...
Make you my little ones my one & only priority...
I never did get my priorities in place, shame on me for letting you down, not putting you first...
I\'m a disgrace... This I\'ve had to learn... its you, my kids that I now yearn..
I wasn\'t blind, I just didn\'t see that the twelve steps I should\'ve done for you three & not just me...
It wasn\'t a blessing, it was a curse...
The monkey on my back told me I could handle it all, & still be the mum I wanted so much to be...
But I know now it doesn\'t work like that, there shouldn\'t be no monkey telling me that, there shouldn\'t be no monkey at all...
In my denial I entertained it all, I thought I could keep you & keep me...
I didn\'t see what I needed to see that was you my babies standing there right in front of me...
I heard but I didn\'t listen to what was being said to me...
I thought but didn\'t think of the consequences at all...
I thought I was in control, I was foolish, lying to me, lying to you...
I\'m sorry, so sorry you\'ve gone though life without me, your mum standing beside you...
Please don\'t ever think or believe I didn\'t love you...
It couldn\'t be further from the truth I love you with all my being...
My love just wasn\'t enough to conquer what should\'ve come naturally, Me, my addiction was what I choose first, it was wrong of me this I now see...
The truth be told I\'ll never be the mum I wanted to be...
I\'ll never be the mum you needed & wanted me to be...
By god I could & would try, but never fully trusted you see...
I will always be the mum, your mum in recovery... I\'m not making excuses, blaming anyone...
denial no longer has me under its thumb...
I hope one day a conversation like this will be... & I can truly answer all the questions you may ask of me...