Strong women
Black mans bleeding dry hands
Angry black women
Deadbeat man
Beyond the moment of understanding I’ve come to know
What my label will be regardless to what I show
Each day I dip my toe into this dreadful fertile dirt
My skin grows darker as I grow closer to the blood of my ancestors
Pourn from continent to continent my mind was born angry, born strong, labeled dead
See I have a history beyond my first breath
I\'m a black woman
I will always be a black woman like my mother and her mother and the mothers before her
It\'s in my blood to run with two broken feet
See through blood stained glass
Survive and call it a life of happiness
Be elated at the thought of possibly getting a crumb of that apple pie on the window seal
Most people are familiar with positive reinforcement
But have you ever heard of Operant training
As a society we are made to believe that once we have done something correctly we are entitled to a reward… a promotion, a certificate that tells someone that people think you\'re smart, money, validation
When I was seven I saw my best friend Karen get a green sticker for helping the custodian Mrs.Ruth rake up leaves
Every day Id rake leaves hoping for a green sticker too
After awhile I noticed Mrs.Ruth was being told to do other maintenance type tasks but the little rake she brought from home would always be there on the gate ready for me
I never got a sticker
I started drafting my resume the other day and I sat there for an hour staring at the first line
Hello! My name is Hajar Mohammed
Another 45 minutes passed
I saved the document titled \"May Mcdonald\'s Resume\"
See to Karen\'s one act of work ethic I had to do five and still be scratching the surface
I wake up every morning to the dried blood on the glass ceiling that is as transparent as it is suffocating
There is no positive reinforcement for my blood
See operant training is the act of starving an animal until it has done what you desire for it to do
For the sake of my blood before my breath I will consider this training my own
Each day I am trained to believe that what I do is not enough
Each day I am trained to do beyond what is asked to merely breath
Each day I am made submissive to ideas of someone else\'s circus
My blood is thick and dry My mind is full
Once before my purpose lied in the fruits of life
Now all I see is is another sub step before I\'ve begun to crawl
My blood has starved centuries
My blood picks up the dust of this world not mine
I create life from resources of nothing
My blood drips when dry
My mind is at it\'s fullest capacity
My fruit rots in the streets and I continue to birth kings that fear only God
Each time I lift my toe from this dry dreadful dirt I scream for the fruits buried beneath it
With every word they tell me to be quite
I can not talk, I can not See, I can not Breath
So I will close my mouth and as I close my teeth, hands and feet will dig into this blood stained red clay
I will dig without rest I will find my foundation
I will build from the nothing and make new a better from what was robbed
I don’t need to speak my presence is enough
My blood is thick you can not see through me and you know it
You see tired in my eye from months without rest
Do I look okay to you
I know I do because my skin doesn\'t crack
My hair doesn\'t drop
And as much as I am made to shut up my lips remain full
My blood blossoms from struggle
I\'m a black woman strong black woman angry black woman
Like my mother and the mothers before her
Watch me crawl watch me dig
Watch me plant trees of fruit in your street
Heaven lies at my success and defeat
ask me if I\'ve slept next week
Your sorry attempt at stopping my blood is meek and weak
So pardon me if my smile doesn’t leak
But I’ve got centuries of blood to raise before next week