Pillow soaked and cheeks sore.
It’s at night the emotional turmoil is rife.
Smile a little, I tell myself. You have everything you wanted right?
It’s true.
I’m surrounded by people I love and who love me…but I still feel alone.
I feel an ache of heaviness from within, like a missing piece from a puzzle.
I’m walking around empty inside, missing a part of me each day.
I try to smile and mask the pain with a laugh,
But at night I can not fool myself. I
I can not fake this happy life, I cannot pretend it’s all going to be okay.
My pillow is laced with memories from my past. I lay my head on my pillow case, and I’m connected to a world of painful memories. Memories I had buried throughout the day to live a life of normality.
It comes crushing down, like a tide coming in from the ocean.
My body is embraced by a wave of sorrow, coming in much higher than expected.
There’s no lifeguard to save me, or passerby to help.
I’m alone with my thoughts, and honestly she is drowning me.
I gasp for air, try to swim to stay afloat… but it doesn’t work.
I succumb to this tide and let my body crash against these memories.
My cheeks are stained from the relentless tears, and my body ceases up.
Will life continue to be this way?
Will I ever be okay?
Regrets start to swirl; and my body becomes limp from the heaviness of my heart.
Sorrow takes over and I become a foreigner in my own body.
Pillow soaked and cheeks sore,
An ode to my bleak emotions I must endure.