Heartbeat to heartbeat,
Lung to lung,
Anger to ashes was the song I sung.
Destroyed by fear,
built up over 6 months
And over in 30 minutes.
Next please,
Inside here,
Sit up there,
but please don’t stare.
A lump in my throat as I struggled to swallow
and seemingly comprehend all that happened 5 months prior.
All of this, for just a night of desire.
Pills,
Blood tests,
Waiting
And some more pills.
A routine which lasted for an hour, but felt like a lifetime.
I lay there, lifeless.
Everything okay?
Yes, I’m all fine.
A lie I slowly convinced myself,
That I could find solace in this ordeal.
You did the right thing,
Well done to you
You’ll become numb to this feel-
Ling like I made the wrong choice.
Can I rewind, and redo this all over.
It’s been almost three years,
And I need some closure.
Walls are slowly starting to cave in on me,
Crushing me from the weight of my heavy conscience.
A feeling I felt daily, it was constant.
Pain became my baseline,
A chronic feeling I must endure
All because of lust, I refused to ignore.
We’re now, ashes to ashes
Dust to dust.
In our original form we lay
Vulnerable in trust.