My friends say that they’re there for me
Except when I need them
Which is weird since I’m always a shoulder for them to cry on
But when it comes to me
I have no one to rely on
I confide to my bestie about my feelings
Since life’s dealings have been messy
I sob to her, opening up
But she just calls me edgy
I haven’t eaten today
So I hope my waist is good enough
My mind seems to think
That deprivation is self-love
Depression and loneliness
Transgressed into an aesthetic
“Haha, I have no friends”
“I’m a sad girl who’s enigmatic”
Cursive quotes, pretty tears
Grunge-pastels, animated fears
I find it weird that pain’s become a trend
Because consistent unhappiness
Doesn’t feel appealing from my end
And definitely isn’t something I take pride in flexing
I find it easier just to pretend
Sadness is glamorized
Captured in a photogenic lens
Became idolized and adored
Something cute to add to your Pinterest board
Dark backgrounds and wilting roses
Cryptic captions and unlively poses
“Look at me, I’m suffering! This looks cool, my Insta feed is uppering.”
My friends are nomadic
Because they always seem to be leaving
“Don’t be dramatic, you’re just overthinking.”
“You’re not anxious, it’s all in your head.”
“You’re not being ignored, maybe you’re just needy instead.”
“And you take it so personally when you’re left on read.”
Why isn’t my stomach smaller?
I swear I haven’t eaten a thing
Maybe I need to wait a little longer
For the workouts to kick in
My face betrays the beauty in my heart
Desirability is a role I want to play
But I simply can’t
Cause boys don’t see me in that way
I want to embody femininity
But girls like me don’t get equity
If I’m not quixotic
Then I’m not anything
My blush looks good today
So at least I might look pretty when I cry
Putting the “it’ll be okay” ensemble on display
Coupled with the “it’ll be alright” routine unconvincingly
I don’t think other people are the problem
It’s me
If I can’t be comfortable in my body
Then why am I existing at all?
All I have is myself
And I’m not even okay
With my own presence, therefore
I’ll fade away
Into the iridescence